While its on my mind, here’s a brief exploration of a subject I’ve considered for awhile.
One thing I haven’t really written about is fantasy- it is much easier, I think, to retell actual events than to attempt to decipher and put to words the flashes of thought and feeling I experience when bringing myself to orgasm. Fantasy is difficult to describe, but ever since I discovered masturbation and the power of the daydreaming escape mechanism, there have been a few recurring themes that I’d like to discuss (in this post, and hopefully later posts- no commitments).
When I was little, the non-material thing I wanted most in the world was an older brother. It was a bit late by that point, but I dreamed anyway. I wanted a protector and a playmate (my little sister was too young to be any fun). I fantasized about coming home after a bad day at school and having him- the nameless, faceless brother figure- there for me to cry to. He would set me in his lap and let me sob on his shoulder, he would hug me and tell me it would be alright.
Within a few years that innocent fantasy shifted. It evolved thanks to my exposure to the very idea of sex, coupled with the sense of rejection I felt when boys my age didn’t show interest in me. I was lonely, and that brother figure of my fantasy world kept me company.
He told me I was pretty. He stroked my hair. I buried my face in his neck while his fingers traveled purposefully up my thighs, beneath my skirt and to the waistband of my panties. I gasped, he soothed. As my own fingers brought about another quivering orgasm beneath starchy sheets in my dark bedroom, fantasy brother showed me he cared whatever way my pubescent mind decided was best. Sometimes he only stroked and petted, and other times my virginity was gifted willingly, eagerly, in the warmth of this imagined love.
This fantasy persists to this day, the hypothetical incest with occasional hint of ageplay. I’m not ashamed- I know where it comes from, and I recognize the manifestations of it in my present day sex life. When D., the man I’m seeing now, runs his fingers through my hair and tells me I’ve been a good girl as his cock slips into my throat.. I make the connection.
Wow! I thought I was the only one with thoughts like that. I grew up with no sister and three much younger brothers. I always wished that I had a sister close in age to ask about girls. All brothers made girls such a wonderful mystery, but so confusing to me. I wanted a sister who I could tell me how to act and what they were thinking.
As I became 14 and the 15 and older I gradually came to feel like we could be learning about the opposite sex together. I imagined peeking at her in unprotected moments which gave rise to my now energetic and tireless cock. I pictured her doing the same thing and I wondered if seeing me would make her feel so different. I came to see nothing wrong with “loving” my imaginary sister.
It didn’t seem to matter who was older in my fantasies. If it was me I would teach her how guys thought and more importantly how do disarm them with a much needed hand job or blow job. If she were older she would have taught me how to dance and kiss and also how to unravel the mysteries of girl’s underwear. Back in the sixties garters and stockings were still around and the sight of a glimpsed stocking top would cause my cock to spring to attention precipitating another jack off session later on. I came to fantasize about her jacking me off and marveling at the jizz she caused to spurt from my throbbing cock.
Of course those kind of thoughts finally came to be luxurious blow jobs as I watched her kiss and lick and finally slide my cock into her loving mouth. Oh the rapture of feeling it pulse as spurt after spurt of hot jizz filled her hungry mouth. I felt very perverted because I pictured kissing her after filling her mouth and of us sharing my cum until she would finally suck it back out of my mouth to greedily swallow it.
And of course she would teach me about her cunt. I would learn all the textures and folds of her secret place and she would coach me on where to touch it and and especially how to lovingly lick that sweet cunt of her’s.
Cunt! How I loved that word. Actually I still do, but knew even back then that girls hated it because used it so vulgarly. As I mature I began to differentiate between the terminology of that secret organ. At the doctor I heard it being called a vagina and vulva and labia. I imagined girls themselves called it a pussy to be more familiar with it than anybody. Last of all, when it was horny and dripping wet and swollen and making me dizzy with it’s incredible musk it became a CUNT!
So don’t be alone in your sibling thoughts. I too wanted to suck her nipples and lick her cunt and feel the wondrous feeling of an orgasm building as she loved my cock with her mouth until she coaxed it to fill her sweet mouth with another load of hot, thick, white jizz.
Strangely enough my teen fantasies never included actually fucking her because I had been scared witless of getting a girl pregnant and living with the eternal scorn of my catholic family. When I remembered my fantasies as an adult is when the fucking came into play. I can still imagine secretly meeting my sister for a loving fuck or blow job when we might have to leave a family dinner and run to the store for something. Of course she would be wearing a skirt and would always flash me some stocking and thigh while she watched my cock’s reaction.
Thank you for arousing those memories again. Hopefully you have a lover who will role play these fantasies with you because I don’t.
Thank you so much for sharing your secret thoughts with me. I find other peoples fantasies fascinating, especially when I see familiarity in them. I think one thing we both have in common there is the strong desire for intimacy, for this loving relationship with our imaginary siblings. We could have had these thoughts about anyone- other boys and girls from school, for example- but we didn’t. We wanted to learn and explore and be looked after by someone who we loved. I think it’s terribly sweet and endearing, not anything to be ashamed of (though I was, for a long time).
On the subject of the word cunt, I think you have the right idea. To me, only when mine is pulsing and warm and wet does it become a cunt, and at that point, that is the only word that can suitably describe it.
In response to your wish for me- I have found someone, to a point. He knows about my fantasies and accommodates them as much as he is able to. When I mentioned casually my love of “good girl” and affectionate praise, that’s when he started to incorporate little things like that into our usual play. It makes me whimper to hear, chills racing down my spine, as I peek up at him over my glasses before swallowing his cock again.
My mind fills in the blanks when I’m in the mood to love my brother.
I totally agree with you about desiring intimacy from someone we love. I have always pictured retreating into my “sister’s” arms to feel true love and the deep desire to please each other. We would feel safe and content holding each other and after a while our touching would become more intimate and we would kiss softly at first and tell each other secret thoughts.
I usually fantasized about learning together, safely and lovingly, and the firsts we would experience with each other. There would be no pleading with a girlfriend to give me my first blow job. She would want to be the first female to touch and stroke my hard cock and finally she would softly kiss and lick and with exquisite slowness she would look into my eyes as she opened her mouth and slid my cock deep into her soft, wet and sucky mouth. She would feel my arousal build and as she sensed the coming orgasm she would lift her head and say, “Please come in my mouth Jack. I want to taste and feel your hot semen fill my virgin mouth”. And as I groaned and spurted jets of hot, thick cum her eyes would get big and she would moan and gasp as she tried to hold it all. As I recovered and lay back spent and tired she would kiss me so I could taste my jizz and she would say, “Tomorrow I want you to suck my wet cunt the same way and then kiss me so I can taste my juice on your lips.
The amazing thing is, I can picture our love affair continuing thoughout our life when ever we had the chance to love and please each other. We would be in our fifties and still stealing quick blow jobs and hard panting stolen fucks whenever we were alone.
I know this may sound a bit weird, but I feel I can tell you. I think it would be completely breathtaking to actually talk to you and pretend we were that loving brother and sister and tell each other explicitly what we want to do for each other. A kind of long distance role play as we push each others hot buttons. I think you would be a very “good girl” and wonderful sister as a compliment to my loving and tender brother act.
Please think about it and consider it. I am breathless just thinking about it. Hell, I already jacked off in the shower pretending you were soaping my cock and balls and pushing a soapy finger up my ass to massage my prostate.
Jack; your older fantasy “brother”.
Hi again. I’ve thought a lot about our desires for our non existent brother and sister. I found a couple of good stories and although it doesn’t have the lead in touching and kissing experiences I dreamed about, it’s still a good, hot story that needs to be expanded in both directions time wise.
http://www.asstr.org/~Kristen/51/amber.txt
Jack